Who doesn’t love the beginning of a new relationship? All the tension, the excitement, the wondering if the person really likes you, the endless analysis of text messages and the fun dates you go on when trying to get to know each other. Ah, new love! There’s nothing quite like it 🙂
Then you guys finally decide to be together properly. You’re boyfriend and girlfriend or even husband and wife. It’s great! It’s what you’ve wanted for ages but then little by little, the butterflies in your stomach stop flying around, not everything your guy says is hilarious anymore and you can’t remember the last time you wore makeup when the two of you went out. You hate to admit it but you’re beginning to get bored in your relationship.
Why isn’t your relationship like the fun ones you see on TV? Why do other couples seem to be enjoying themselves more than you? Why is it that the only time things seem to get interesting is when you guys fight? Why are you so bored in your relationship? There are two main reasons for this:
1. You’re comparing your relationship to others.
The human mind is a funny thing. The more you look for something, the more likely it is that you’ll find it. So if you think that other couples are having a great time, you’ll keep seeing couples who seem to be enjoying themselves more than you are. You won’t notice the miserable couples out there and you’ll block out all the unhappy couple stories around you. You simply won’t see them. Instead, it’ll look like everyone but you is having the time of their lives. It’s like some kind of selective observation. The solution? No, the answer isn’t to start looking for people who are unhappy in their relationship. The solution is to stop looking at other couples and focus on yourself and your partner. Every relationship changes and the fact that yours is different now doesn’t mean you should automatically be unhappy. Sure, you guys don’t go on as many dates as you used to but does he cook sometimes? Can you see your friends whenever you want without him complaining? Does he endure your mother’s phone calls with a smile even though you know they must be tiresome for him? Change the things you use to measure how exciting your relationship is and you’ll find that you’re happier.
2. You’re bored.
The reason you’re bored with your relationship is because you’re bored as a person. That may sound strange but hear me out first. If you reflect on your relationship, you may find that it’s not that your relationship has become boring but it may be that you have become boring. You don’t bother to try to be funny or pleasant anymore, you yell all the time and possibly worst of all, you expect your partner to be your constant source of entertainment. Your man is not your personal jester or personal assistant. He is the person you chose to be in a relationship with. If you chose the right man for you, he will have qualities you will always love but he will not have every single positive characteristic in the world. Don’t put all the blame on your partner. Start making life entertaining for you. Think back to the life you had before you were in a relationship. What were the things you did then that made you happy? Are there some that you can start doing again? If you hung out with your sister or friend every Friday after work, can you start doing it again if only once a month? If you enjoyed baking, can you take it up again? Or don’t even look to the past but project into the future. What would you most like to do? Can you take a cooking class? Can you take an online course in something that looks interesting to you? Can you join a society of female business owners? When you make your life more exciting, your relationship will become more exciting too!
Do you want a little help on how to improve your relationship? I’m working on an online course that will help you do just that! Interested? Then sign up here and you’ll be the first to know when the course is about to start.