If you’ve been in a few bad relationships, a time will come when you’ll wonder what you’re doing wrong. You’ll ask yourself why you keep dating people who are clearly unsuitable for you and why you keep landing in relationships that make you unhappy. It’s at that point that many women start saying men are evil, men are wicked and that there are no good men out there. But is it really true? If you think about it, you probably know more than one guy who is kind, good and makes someone incredibly happy. So it’s not that the men aren’t there because they are.
The next thing you might say then is “Yes, the men are there but the good ones are already taken.” That statement isn’t true either even if it feels very real. If you sit and reflect, you’ll realise that with the millions of single men going about their business in the world, at least one (and probably many more than that) would think you’re wonderful and would make a great a partner for you.
So, what is going on? Why do you keep finding yourself in relationships with men who leave a bad taste in your mouth? Well, this is going to be painful but it has to be said. Part of the issue is you. If you keep ending up in relationships with men who make you sad, you have to admit that you choose to be in that situation. I’m not talking about societies where arranged marriages are the norm or societies in which the woman has very little say in what happens in her life. In all other societies where women have a certain degree of freedom, you have to admit that if you keep dating bad guys, it’s because you choose to date them. And if the guy didn’t appear bad at the beginning but turned out to be that way in the relationship, the fact that you’re in that relationship is because you have chosen to stay in it.
Please don’t be mad at these ideas I have put forward. I have been in that position too. I have dated people who made me sad. I have had relationships that had me questioning how I could put so little value on myself and after much reflection, I had to admit that I was in those situations because I chose to be in them. You actually have a lot more power than you think you do. If someone asks you out, you don’t have to date them. Even if they ask you every day for 3 months. Even if you’ve been single for 2 years. Even if he has a ton of money. The choice to date that person is always yours.
Now that the concept that you always have a choice when it comes to relationships is in place, we can move on to the first step to getting the relationship you want. The first step to getting the relationship you want is to know what it is you want. If you don’t know what you want in a relationship, you’re a lot less likely to get it. If you don’t know what you want out of a relationship, you’ll keep dating people who can’t give you what you want. For example, if you don’t know that you value a relationship in which your partner shows you love by calling you every day, you’ll go into a relationship and perhaps even marry a man who disappears for weeks on end and then reappears with a gift for you. Such a man might be puzzled when you start crying and complaining because to him, the fact that he bought you a present is more important than the fact that you didn’t hear from him for days. Do you now see what I mean? You need to know what you want in order to get what you want. And don’t be afraid. If you stay positive and are consistent, what you want will eventually come to you.
Do you want some help finding the partner of your dreams? Do you want to improve the relationship you have now? Then try a coaching session with me. Find out my coaching rates by clicking here. To book a coaching session with me, send an email to lape(at)lapesoetan(dot)com