Valentine’s Day can be fun even if you’re single

valentine's day can be fun lapesoetan.com

I can’t remember ever liking Valentine’s Day when I was single.  Even now that I am married, I find very little to like about the day.  I always said Valentine’s Day was like a competition that I was entered in without my knowledge.  You wake up one day and everyone’s asking how many cards you got and what presents you’ve received.  It’s like is there someone recording this information somewhere?  Is a winner going to be announced Continue reading

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How to find the right man for you

how to find the right man for you lapesoetan.com

As a single woman (especially one over 30), it’s easy to believe that there are no good men out there but that simply isn’t true.  The right man for you is out there.  You just have to find him and therein lies the problem for many single women – finding the right man.

So, how do you go about finding the right man for you?  First, Continue reading

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How to get asked out on more dates

dating date dates lapesoetan.com

I often say that finding love is a lot like sales – it’s a game of numbers.  The more people you pitch to, the more likely you are to make a sale and the more people you go on dates with, the more likely you are to find love.  When I say the more people you date, I don’t mean the more people you sleep with.  You can go on dates with 10 people and not sleep with any of them.

Going on several dates helps you recognise the qualities you don’t want in your perfect partner and therefore Continue reading

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Why you don’t need luck to get married

why you don't need luck to get married www.lapesoetan.com

People sometimes ask “do you need luck to get married?” The short answer to this is ‘no’.  You don’t actually need anything to get married.  Well, you do need other people.  You can’t be stuck alone on a deserted island and get married but if you’re reading this, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that you’re not in that situation.  If you’re living in any sort of community where you come across people on a day-to-day basis, it is possible, even easy to get married.  Look at the people who are married.  Rich people, poor people, beautiful people, ugly people.  Every kind of person in this world gets married.  It’s clear that you don’t need luck to get married.  So what exactly do you need?  Continue reading

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The one thing you need to do to get the relationship you want this year

one thing you need to do to get the relationship you want this year lapesoetan.com

When you get to your 30s and are single (but don’t want to be), it’s easy to get depressed.  You feel you’ve prayed more than your share, read every self-help book out there and spent half your life watching motivational videos on YouTube.  Now it’s a new year and you’re seriously thinking about giving up on love and focusing on your career.  After all, what’s the point, nothing you have tried in the past has worked.  But there is a point.  If finding love wasn’t important to you, your mind wouldn’t go there so often.  So give finding your perfect partner  another try.

If you want to take another step towards finding the right person for you but don’t want to go through as much stress as you have in the past, here’s the one thing you need to do:  Continue reading

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How to enjoy Christmas as a single woman over 30

How to enjoy Christmas as a single woman over 30 lapesoetan.com

There are many cool and not-so-cool things about being single.  One of the not-so-cool things single people complain about the most is loneliness and the loneliest time of the year has to be Christmas.  Christmas is marketed as a time to be surrounded by family and friends and that’s exactly what makes it so lonely.  Being surrounded by family and friends sometimes just makes one more aware of how single they are.  No one to go to concerts with, no-one to discuss the tackiness or prettiness of the different Christmas decorations in the city, no-one to even call you specially to wish you a Merry Christmas.  It’s enough to make anyone feel down.

Christmas time can feel even lonelier because that’s the height of wedding season in Lagos.  Unless you’re very strong, it’s easy to fall into depression at this time of year.  But there’s hope!  Continue reading

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If you’ve found a job in the past, you can find love

If you’ve found a job in the past, you can find love lapesoetan.com

Finding love is a lot like finding a job.  It might not seem that way but it really is.  If you’re a woman in your 30s, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that at least once in your adult life, you’ve searched for and found a job.  Of course, I know not every single woman in her 30s has had a job before but I’m pretty sure a large percentage of the demographic has.  So, if you’ve ever held down a job and are now looking for love, you have it in you to Continue reading

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Should a woman in her 30s ‘settle’ when it comes to love?

should a woman in her 30s settle when it comes to love lapesoetan.com

It’s often said that when a woman in her 30s isn’t married, it’s because she’s too picky.  If she were less choosy (and more sensible), they say, she would have been married ages ago.  They say that a single woman in her 30s probably feels she is above everyone else.  They tell her there’s no perfect person, to stop looking for Mr. Wonderful and settle for Mr. Whoever.  At least, she would be married by now if she did.  All this talk essentially says that a woman in her 30s (or maybe even in her 20s) should ‘settle’ when it comes to love.

But what does it mean to ‘settle?  Continue reading

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How to make your next relationship the best ever

how to make your next relationship the best lapesoetan.com

One day a few years ago, I was reflecting on my love life and realised that every boyfriend I had had was an improvement on the one before.  By improvement, I don’t mean each boyfriend was richer than the last (I know that’s the first thing that will come to some people’s minds).  I mean that each boyfriend was more my idea of a great boyfriend than the one before him.  For example, Continue reading

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How to find love as a woman over 30

how to find love as a woman over 30 lapesoetan.com

I don’t know why but when I was younger, I thought a woman needed to be married by 30.  Going by what I’ve heard people say, I wasn’t alone in thinking that way.  When I turned 30 and was still single, I felt a mix of emotions.  I was Continue reading

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