Many years ago, a friend of mine was getting married and asked me to do her makeup. (Fun fact: doing makeup used to be a side-hustle of mine). Anyway, on the morning of my friend’s wedding, right before I started doing her makeup, I noticed that different women would come and ask to speak to my friend alone. After the third woman had come and gone, I asked my friend what was going on and she told me that because her mother had passed way, these different women felt the need to give her marriage advice. I knew the women felt they were being helpful but I also wondered if they knew how nervous they were making my friend on the morning of her wedding.
I never wanted marriage advice from anybody and definitely NOT on the morning of my wedding but I realise now that most of the reason I didn’t want marriage advice was because I had heard a lot of the advice friends had been given before getting married and I didn’t want anyone to come to me with the same dated advice that I knew would irritate me. Now that I am older, I can see that a lot of advice older women give younger women may feel alienating so today, unlike those other women, I’m not going to tell you how you should open your legs whenever your husband taps your thigh or how you should cook your husband’s favourite food every Sunday – there are enough women who will tell you that. Today, I’m giving marriage advice that I feel will be useful and which you will be able to relate to.
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So here they are – my top 3 tips for the newly-married woman:
1 Be patient.
I’m a very impatient person – in every aspect of my life from my career to what I’ll eat for dinner. I want everything done yesterday. I have known for years that my impatience is something I need to work on but nothing brought the lesson of patience as quickly as marriage. Without patience, you’ll find yourself arguing and crying every single day. It is so ironic to me now that all those self-help tips I learned years ago and scoffed at – things like counting to ten before speaking when angry – are the things I rely on so heavily now and the things that I have found to work like a dream. In no area of your life will you need patience like in marriage. Please start building the patience skill (if patience can be called a skill) because you’ll need it – even if you have the most wonderful husband in the world.
2 Have a source of income.
In the olden days, the man was the breadwinner and the woman stayed at home ready to slice and butter the bread when her husband brought it home. That system of living was good for some but bad for many women who were left with nothing when their husbands died or decided to take their breadwinning skills elsewhere. The best insurance any woman can have is to have a source of income (that is NOT her husband). I remember years before I got married, one of my brothers was talking about a female friend of his who wanted to resign because she hated where she worked and he advised her to stay until she found another job. When I asked him why, he said the lady would definitely hate asking her husband for money, that she would need money for basic things like getting her hair done and if her husband growled at her over it, she would grow to resent him. Even thought my brother wasn’t telling that story to advise me, I never forgot it. Nothing gives a woman freedom and confidence like the money she earns herself. Make sure you find a way to earn money, no matter how small it is.
3 Do things that make you happy.
I find it alarming the number of married women who expect their husbands to be the source of everything in their lives – even their source of entertainment. It’s fine and even desirable to have a husband who you like being around and who makes you happy but you cannot expect your husband to provide all your happiness. First of all, being the one source of another person’s joy is a difficult role for anyone to fill. Secondly, needing your husband to be your only joy-provider can make you seem boring. You may be married but you are a separate entity from your husband. Re-discover the things that once made you happy and incorporate them into your new life as a married woman. As your happiness grows from being involved in doing things you enjoy, you will become more interesting, more attractive and more desirable to your husband. And that’s something every woman wants.
If you’re ready to get married and would like some help attracting the right man into your life, I can help with my one-on-one coaching sessions. Find out my coaching rates by clicking here. To book a 1 hour one-on-one coaching session with me, send an email to lape(at)lapesoetan(dot)com today.
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