Do you have to change who you are to be in a relationship?


Hello!  Have you ever wondered if you need to change your personality to be in a happy relationship?  If you have then you’re going to love this week’s video!


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Prefer to read rather that watch the video?  Here’s what’s in the video: 

A friend once told me that whenever she met a guy, she would change herself to try and be the kind of woman she felt he wanted to be with.


For example, when she met a guy who was really into the arts, she started wearing bracelets in red, green and yellow, turned her hair into dreadlocks and started going to poetry readings despite finding them boring.  The guy she did all that for soon moved on though.


Next, she met someone who said he was a worker in church, even though she wasn’t a big church goer herself, she started going to church twice a week, stopped wearing trousers and only listened to Christian music.


That guy left her too and eventually, she noticed that no matter how much she tried to change to suit a guy, the guy always left in the end.  Honestly, she shouldn’t have been surprised.


People aren’t stupid.  They can tell when you’re genuine and when you’re not.  If you’re pretending to be someone you’re not and a guy marries you, you may feel good but it’ll only be for a short time.  How long do you think you’ll last acting like a cross between a nymphomaniac and super-nanny before you get tired of it?  What do you think will happen when you stop the act and the guy sees the real you?  Will he be pleased?  What will he do when he discovers the real you is not the same as the person he dated?  That’s when your problems will REALLY begin.


So, what do you do if you meet a guy you really like but you don’t think you’re what he’s looking for?  You let him go.  The man who is for you will come your way.  When you try to be someone else for a man, you show 2 things:

  1. A lack of confidence in who you are and
  2. A kind of selfishness because even though you know a guy’s not for you, you try to hold on to him anyway. By trying to keep that man, you’re not only wasting both his and your time, you’re denying him from meeting the woman of his dreams.

Remember, YOU are the woman of someone’s dreams just as you are.  You don’t have to lose weight, gain weight, cut your hair or stop swearing to be with your ideal man.


As long as you’re kind and treat people the way you want to be treated, the man for you will love you!

If you would like personalised help from me to help you find true love or improve your relationship, book a coaching session with me.  Find out my coaching rates by clicking here then send me an email using lape(at)lapesoetan(dot)com

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Leave a comment below and tell me:

  • What was your favourite part of this video?
  • Have you changed in the past in order to be in a relationship? How did it go?