When you’re a single woman over 30 in Nigeria, it can be tough not to feel down about the situation. I know this because I’m a Nigerian woman who was single in her 30s too. Apart from my own personal experience, my work as a relationship coach for single women over the age of 30 has shown me that many many women feel very sad about this situation and that’s why I’m here today. Today, I’m going to be talking about what to do if you’re single and feel like you’re running out of time.
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When you’re a single woman over the age of 30 and you feel like you’re running out of time, there are many things at play here but the most relevant one, the thing that I think is the biggest issue here is the fact that science has shown that as a woman gets older, it gets more difficult for her to have children. This is why time is such a big factor for women when it comes to relationships.
If you’re a single woman over the age of 30 and you feel like you’re running out of time, what I would advise is for you to take a day out and just think about what it is that you truly desire, what it is that you want out of life. When you’re doing this self-analysis, ask yourself some tough questions, questions like, ‘What is it that you truly want out of life right now? What is most important to you right now? Is it your career? Is it your love life? Is it your desire to have children? Is it your health or something else entirely? Whichever one it is, focus on that right now.
No matter what people tell you, no matter what marketing says, no matter what society says, it is NOT possible for you to focus on every single area of your life and get optimum results in those areas at the same time. It is impossible. If we accept that putting all of our energy or all of our focus on several areas of our life is inefficient, what can we focus on right now? Ask yourself ‘what is it that is most important to you right now’?
If you want to focus on having children, ask yourself what you can do to achieve that. Now, I’m going to say something that’s slightly controversial – for Nigerians living in Nigeria, anyway – and that is that as a woman, you do not have to get married in order to have children. Yes, the desire for many is to get married and then have children. Personally, that is what I always wanted as well.
But if you want to have children and there is no boyfriend on the horizon or you’re not married, then you may have to take a decision that is different from what is generally accepted in the society that we’re in in Nigeria. You may have to decide that you’ll have children whether or not you get married. When I say this, I do not mean that you should get pregnant for somebody without them expressly agreeing to do that. Doing such a thing always has negative consequences, always, always. Besides, you wouldn’t like it if the roles were reversed. If someone else did that to you, you would not like it so please do not do it to someone else.
When it comes to having children, also remember that you have many options. You may be able to get pregnant and have children yourself or you may choose to adopt. You may choose surrogacy or you may choose to marry someone who already has children. Though we as women often feel like getting pregnant and giving birth is our only option, it really isn’t. There are many options available to us.
Try to do this self-analysis when you’re in a good mood not when you’re feeling sad simply because when you’re feeling sad, you’re less likely to come up with good ideas and more likely to feel as if you have no options when in fact, the opposite is true – you always have options.
If you believe strongly in getting married before having children then focus on that. Don’t fret about not having a husband and not having children at the same time. Doing so will only create some kind of mental prison for yourself. Focus on one thing first then the other. If you’ve decided that what you want to do is focus on love and marriage then do just that. My e-book, 7 Steps to Meeting the One can help you with that. You can get it here.
Finding a man you love and who loves you and then getting married to him will always take longer than just getting married to a man who is rich or a man who has the right job. Always. Once again, you have options here and you get to decide which option you’ll choose.
Whichever path you take, whether you choose to have children without getting married, whether you decide to wait for love or whether you decide to marry a man who is just available, the choice is yours. Time may feel like it’s flying but it really isn’t. You need to calm yourself down then take a decision that you feel works best for you and will work best for any children that you may have in the future. Follow your intuition and not just logic and life is more likely to turn out happier for you.
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